Avoiding Negative Emotions Won’t Get You Anywhere
I’ve been thinking a lot about dessert lately. What’s the most memorable, delicious bite of dessert you’ve ever tasted? Chances are, it wasn’t a store-bought, plastic-wrapped ball of sugar and food coloring. It probably had complex and thoughtful ingredients, designed to delight your senses.
The same, I think, is often true outside of the kitchen. While we may be hard-wired for emotional sugar cravings, it’s the more complex parts of life — a dash of salt alongside the caramel — that create a full, meaningful experience. And just as bitter notes can enhance food, challenging emotions, even in the workplace, can improve our lives.
The Case for Getting Emotional at Work
Addressing anger or sadness at home or in a relationship can be difficult, but beneficial. Addressing these same things in the workplace can be both difficult and impractical. But does it have to be? At first thought, keeping emotions out of work makes perfect sense. We want to be productive, and relishing in an internal debate about whether or not your boss is disappointed in you could get distracting, quickly. Better, then, to push that thought aside, put on a positive face and perform. But what if part of doing a good job is facing those complicated emotions head-on? And what if avoiding these feelings altogether could hasten a costly outcome?
In general, it’s no secret that suppressing emotions can be damaging to health. Studies show that people who don’t address their emotions experience lower overall well-being, including physical symptoms like headaches and generally stronger stress responses. According to one 2019 paper, people who don’t manage their emotions are more likely to display substance abuse, poor nutrition, lack of exercise and poor sleep, all of which can cross over to your workplace and impact performance.In other words, if you’re not well in life, you won’t do well at work.
Of course, this doesn’t mean it’s wise to sulk in your cube or lash out at a teammate. Embracing negative emotions isn’t about expressing your discouragement or anger in unhealthy ways. It’s about processing them and learning to integrate negative feelings with positive ones, so you can move forward with resilience.
There’s evidence that acknowledging the entirety of an emotional experience allows us to make meaning out of it, which can improve mental and physical health. For example, maybe you’re frustrated with a co-worker who isn’t contributing but proud of yourself for taking on extra work. It may be tempting to minimize one emotion over the other, but embracing the tension between the two can have a powerful effect in your work and personal lives. “Taking the good and the bad together may detoxify the bad experiences, allowing you to make meaning out of them in a way that supports psychological well-being,” wrote researchers in one 2012 study.”
With the ability to tune into negative and positive emotional insights, you’ll also find more opportunities to grow. Suddenly, a difficult email from a customer might offer insight into changing your processes rather than derailing you, which could benefit your organization in the long run.
So what’s the best way forward in facing, and getting the most out of, your emotions in the workplace? First, practice some self-reflection.
Are You Bottling Your Emotions?
How can you tell if you’re repressing negative emotions at work? Frequent cases of the so-called “Sunday scaries” — a looming feeling of dread as you transition into the work week — might be one indicator that you have some emotional work to do. To help uncover potentially repressed feelings, meditation scholar Leah Weiss suggests asking yourself a series of questions about your job, including whether you dread going into the office or are lacking motivation and energy.
If you answered “yes” to any or all of Weiss’s questions, it might be time to take a new approach. Here are a few suggestions to get started:
1. Acknowledge your feelings.
If you’re not used to allowing your emotions surface in the workplace, it may take a bit of practice. Begin by developing a willingness to, at the minimum, accept your uncomfortable feelings in the moment instead of immediately switching the subject. For example, if you find your heart racing and palms sweating after you bomb a presentation, resist the urge to escape that feeling by jumping into another project right off the bat. Disappointment can feel overwhelming, certainly. But the first step to breaking a habit of repressing feelings is challenging yourself to sit with them longer.
2. Name your emotions.
When you feel out of sorts at work, are you simply mad, or could you be offended, embarrassed or disappointed? Finding what’s beneath the surface of your emotion is one key to figuring out how to manage it. Labeling emotions is effective because it’s far easier to be overwhelmed (and, consequently, run away from) an emotion you can’t name. When you can call a feeling what it is, it becomes more realistic to manage. On the other hand, incorrectly diagnosing emotions leads us to respond incorrectly.
3. Take time to reflect.
Suppressing negative emotions may not be intentional in every case. I find that the busier I am, the longer I go without processing the emotions that come up during the day. That’s why I try to make a daily practice of reflecting on what I felt each day, and what triggered those feelings. By keeping “short accounts” of my own emotions, I ensure they don’t grow more complex or inhibit my ability to relate well with others.
4. Engage your nervous system.
Often, we avoid difficult emotions because we want to avoid conflict with others. This inclination is intuitive. Studies show that we’re most likely to lash out at others when emotions are high. But bottling emotions could have a similar effect. To reduce the risk of an angry outburst now (or later), give your body tools to calm itself down and process the physical effects of the emotions you’re experiencing.
Arizona State University professor of global leadership Christine M. Pearson recommends that when you notice anger beginning to brew, pause to take a focused, deep breath. “That momentary delay can help reason rather than instinct drive your response,” she writes.
5. Reappraise the situation.
Finding the good in scenarios that yield undesirable emotions is another way to train yourself not to avoid negative feelings at work. If you can shift your perspective to see positive side, which researchers call “reappraisal,” you won’t be so discouraged or overwhelmed when those feelings come.
6. Enjoy your dessert.
I know from my day-to-day experience how easy it is to give preferential treatment to positive emotions like excitement and joy, especially when we’ve been conditioned to put on a happy face and move on. But running away from messier feelings can have negative repercussions on our physical and mental health. Avoidance can also keep us from opportunities to strengthen our character and improve our work performance. Remember: Negative emotions aren’t the enemy; we just have to develop a taste for them.
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8 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Job Search Following certain best practices can make or break you in your quest for the right job. Some bad..
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Feb 1, 2019Your Social Media Profile
Here’s what recruiters look for on a candidate’s social media profile Maintaining the right balance between being professional and being yourself on social media can..
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Jan 18, 2019Things You Should Never…
14 Things You Should Never, Ever Say In A Job Interview It’s always intimidating to interview for a new job, whether you’re fresh out of..
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Jan 11, 2019Reasons for Leaving?
How To Answer Why You Left (Or Want to Leave) Your Employer If you want the job, don't reveal this. Job interviews are designed to..
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Jan 4, 2019A good LinkedIn Summary
Here's how to write a LinkedIn summary that could help you land your dream job, according to a marketing director at LinkedIn You might approach..
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Dec 7, 2018Great Employees Leave Great…
Why Great Employees Leave “Great Cultures” “We have a great culture.” We have all heard it. We have all said it. But what does that..
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Oct 26, 2018Recruitment in Cyprus
Recruitment in Cyprus - Thoughts and Ideas from Advance Career Team Read the detailed interview published on TopJobsCyprus website and share your comments and ideas!..
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Oct 19, 2018Find Career Clarity!
How To Find Career Clarity Using Three Top Career Theories Feeling like you need to make a career pivot because your job isn’t a good..
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Oct 12, 2018Integrators VS Segmentors
Are your employees integrators or segmentors? An organization has both integrators and segmentors. Being a segmentor is a tough ask. If you choose to be..
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Sep 21, 2018What Motivates You to…
What Motivates You to Work? That paycheck will never be big enough if it's the only reason you're going to work. Each of us respond..
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Sep 14, 2018Update Your Resume
Updating Your Résumé Might Mean Updating Yourself It seems like a total no-brainer: you should update your résumé and online profiles when you are job..
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Sep 7, 2018Tap Into Your Motivation!
Putting Yourself In Drive: How To Tap Into Your Motivation The one common component in every great success story is motivation: an ever-elusive elixir that..
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Aug 31, 2018Enhancing your job search
How To Bounce Back When The Job Search Gets You Down With a dream job in mind, an updated résumé in hand and responses to..
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Aug 17, 2018Social media can cost…
When 'What Happens In Vegas' Ends Up In Your Job Search What happens in Vegas really doesn’t stay there. That “funny” picture about that..
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Aug 10, 2018Avoid Summer Slump
How To Improve Productivity For Yourself And Your Team This Summer July and August are historically bad months for productivity. It might be the warm..
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Aug 3, 2018Emotional Intelligence at Workplace
How To Develop More Emotionally Intelligent Employees In the quest to develop leaders who will foster a culture of equity and inclusion in the workplace,..
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Jul 27, 2018Are you ready to…
The Difference Between People Who Succeed and People Who Flop Successful people charge forward, take calculated risks, and come out on top because of it...
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Jul 6, 2018Hiring the right people?
5 Steps to Hiring the Right People for Your Business "Hire slow, fire fast" is great advice, but it's not always easy to follow. The..
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Jun 29, 2018Ready for Entrepreneurial Success?
4 Entry-Level Jobs That Will Prep You for Entrepreneurial Success Success is a journey, not a destination, so think hard about where to start. Entrepreneurship..
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Jun 22, 2018Simple Work-Life Balance
Work-Life Balance Is Simple. To Succeed at Work, Get a Life. With the right balance of health and business, entrepreneurs can maximize productivity. The Organization..
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Apr 5, 2018Inclusion in the Workplace
Inclusion Doesn’t Mean Including Everything and Everyone Inclusiveness is not about thought policing. It’s also not about turning everyone into a liberal. It’s a normal..
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Feb 23, 2018Leadership Role but Unprepared…
You Were Promoted To A Leadership Role But You Feel Unprepared - Don't Panic You’ve been at the job for years. As much as you..
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Feb 16, 2018Fail at Switching Jobs?
This Is the No. 1 Reason Why People Fail at Switching Jobs (and What to Do About It) There's a reason changing careers is so..
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Feb 9, 2018The future Workspace
Why a Coffee Shop Will Probably Be Your Workspace Within 10 Years As the gig economy grows, there are both social and scientific reasons why..
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Feb 2, 2018A Technique To Get…
Didn't Get Your Dream Job? This 1 Technique Could Get You a Second Chance Every job seeker experiences this at least once, if not several..
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Jan 12, 2018Make 2018 a Productive…
11 Expert Tips To Make 2018 Your Most Productive Year Ever Could eating cake for breakfast and never listening to your voicemail help you get..
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Dec 22, 2017Career Goals for 2018
How to Set Your Career Goals for 2018 and Achieve Them Each New Year offers the opportunity for a fresh start—and that includes your career...
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Nov 24, 2017HR Function in 2024
Will You Be Leading an HR Function in 2024? Here are five things to look at to examine and determine if you’ve got what it..
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Nov 10, 2017Your Impact at Work!
What Is Your Impact? We keep throwing this word around called "impact." Do you know what your impact is and how would you define, discover,..
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Oct 27, 2017Inspiring Career Advice
LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner's 3 Best Pieces of Career Advice Jeff Weiner, LinkedIn's CEO, has had nothing short of a successful career. After graduating from..
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Oct 13, 2017Working for small companies
Why You Should Consider Working For A Small Company Eighty-four percent of small-business employees are happy in their current job, according to the 2017 Aflac..
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Sep 15, 2017Lost your Job?
Nine Things You Should and Shouldn't Do If You Lose Your Job Most of us wouldn’t think to associate the words "joblessness" and "fun," but..
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Sep 8, 2017Why Risk Is A…
Why Risk Is A Necessary Component To A Successful Career - And How To Balance Risk With Reward Taking at least some risk is necessary..
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Aug 25, 2017Top 10 Benefits Of…
Top 10 Benefits Of A Workplace Wellness Program When Google opened up in the 90s it took a unique approach to employee satisfaction. In an..
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Aug 16, 2017Write your first CV
It's all about potential: how to write a CV with no work experience Follow these tips to stand out among competing candidates – from research..
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Aug 10, 2017Friends and Career
Being Too Busy for Friends Won’t Help Your Career Friendship matters. Everything we do to succeed in our careers is improved when we’re supported by..
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Jun 30, 2017Career Development
Think Strategically About Your Career Development In a world where the average employee sends and receives 122 emails per day and attends an average of..
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Jun 2, 2017Advance Your Career
How To Advance Your Career In A Crappy Entry-Level Job Yes, you can still bring yourself one step closer to snagging that dream job even..
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May 8, 2017Interview Preparation
Interviews are generally regarded as the primary decision-making event in any recruitment process. Regardless of your academic credentials or career thus far, it is crucial..
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Apr 3, 2017Interview questions you have…
Studies have shown that structured interviewing is more than twice as reliable a predictor of future employee performance than unstructured interviewing. That is why most..
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Mar 19, 2012Job Search Tips That…
Cyprus unemployment has been steadily increasing monthly since 2008 and is getting closer to double digits (January 2012 Eurostat figure – 9.6%). However there are..