How to Collaborate in Conflict Situations
How to adopt the “us versus the problem” rather than a “you versus me” mind-set.
Your first step in resolving a conflict should be to determine the best time and place for a discussion. You should also allow plenty of time for the discussion so that everyone has a chance to air their views and work on reaching a solution.
Typical types of responses
People naturally respond in different ways to conflict situations. Four typical types of responses are:
- forcing your point,
- accommodating the other person,
- compromising so that each party gives up something, or
- collaborating to find a mutually beneficial solution that will improve the situation for everyone.
No one approach to conflict is always best. Instead, each conflict situation is unique, and the situation will determine the most appropriate response. In general, collaboration is the most effective response to a conflict and should be used wherever possible. With this “win-win” approach, you include all parties to try to find solutions that satisfy everyone. Collaborating creates partners rather than opponents — it’s based on an “us versus the problem” rather than a “you versus me” mind-set.
Listen acceptingly
To collaborate effectively, you need to listen acceptingly to the other person, describe your views constructively, and find a mutually beneficial solution. Sometimes people have a lot on their minds, and this makes it difficult for them to listen properly. But to find solutions to a conflict, you need to understand the problem — and knowing your own position gives you only half the picture.
Listening well to the other party in a conflict situation requires you to do a number of things:
- listen to the other person without judging — It’s important to put aside your preconceptions and stay open to other views. You should assume that those involved in the conflict have valid reasons for what they think.
- listen for the feelings behind the words — Don’t just listen to the words — pay attention to the speaker’s underlying emotions. These form the foundation of what they’re saying, and need to be acknowledged and explored before any progress can be made.
- listen to really understand — You’ll find it easier to resolve a conflict once you’ve fully understood the other person’s views.
You validate other people’s views on a matter — and their interests, intentions, and needs — by accepting that what they say is true for them, rather than responding in a judgmental or critical way.
You should give them the floor to speak their mind, and periodically check your understanding by paraphrasing what they’ve said as neutrally as possible, or by asking questions to clarify any points you may not understand. And don’t interrupt to offer your own opinion at this point. Also, don’t be afraid of silence. Allow the other person to collect his thoughts.
Describe your view in a constructive way
Although it’s important to share how you feel, you need to be careful how you go about this. To prevent tempers flaring, you need to describe your views constructively. For example, you should avoid phrasing that implies the other person is at fault. It helps to use “I” language rather than “you” language, which can sound accusatory. And avoid words like “always” and “never” — these are exaggerations and can seem provocative.
You’re more likely to be taken seriously if you make accurate statements. You should stick to what you observe and feel, rather than what you think or believe. Try to talk about how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Avoid judging, blaming, or criticizing, and don’t ask loaded questions. The use of humor or sarcasm can confuse your message, making it unclear or seem unimportant. It’s better to avoid both because it’s important to be clear about how you feel.
As you’re working through the conflict, it’s also important to validate the viewpoint of the other party and to recognize their contribution. When you outline a resolution, your aim is to find solutions for the future, rather than talk about past problems. You also need to focus on the issue rather than the person. Finally, staying positive is key. You should talk about what you want rather than what you don’t want. It’s important to be firm and clear, both when you express your feelings and when you outline a resolution.
Problem solve to find a mutually beneficial solution
When you understand the issues in a conflict and have expressed your feelings, as well as described how you would like the situation to be resolved, you need to decide on a solution that suits all parties.
You can help generate effective options by following these guidelines:
- suspend judgment — Avoid criticizing those involved in coming up with solutions. Reserving judgment will encourage dialog.
- use brainstorming techniques — Everyone involved in the conflict should come up with as many solutions as they can think of — no matter how ridiculous they seem. Let the ideas flow in the beginning. You don’t want to decide too early on a solution, and not consider alternatives.
- focus on options that address shared interests — When you focus on options that address shared interests, you avoid a win-lose situation, which can cause resentment and more conflict.
To find a win-win solution, you should listen to the other person’s objections and take them into account when deciding on the best option. You shouldn’t let your own interests be sidelined, but express your views constructively and accept that you may need to compromise a little. Finally, when you think you’ve found a solution, make sure everyone is satisfied with it.
To resolve conflict successfully, you should begin by finding an appropriate time and place for the parties involved to talk openly. You should also analyze the situation to decide whether you should force your view, give in, compromise or collaborate.
Generally, collaborating is the best approach — it involves working together to find a solution that benefits all parties. Three key skills support effective collaboration. These are listening acceptingly, describing your views constructively, and finding mutually beneficial solutions.
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How To Escape The Procrastination Doom Loop When you imagine a highly productive person, you likely think of someone who focuses effortlessly on the job..
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Apr 5, 2019Exceptional Employees
8 Clues That a Candidate Will be an Exceptional Employee Over the past 40 years, I have reviewed at least 30,000 resumes and LinkedIn profiles..
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Mar 22, 2019Increase Employee Retention
4 Smart Ways to Increase Employee Retention Keeping your employees once you have them is a thorny problem in the staffing services industry. The difficulty..
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Mar 15, 2019Things Happen!
Here's How To Recover From A Career Setback Whether you’ve botched an interview question, cancelled an important meeting last-minute or missed a typo in an..
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Feb 15, 2019Workplace Diversity
In an 8-Minute Animated Film, Pixar Just Captured Why Companies Still Struggle With Workplace Diversity Yes, it's a movie about a pink ball of yarn--but..
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Feb 1, 2019Your Social Media Profile
Here’s what recruiters look for on a candidate’s social media profile Maintaining the right balance between being professional and being yourself on social media can..
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Jan 25, 2019Effective Job Interview
How to conduct an effective job interview As the employment market improves and candidates have more options, hiring the right person for the job has..
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Jan 18, 2019Things You Should Never…
14 Things You Should Never, Ever Say In A Job Interview It’s always intimidating to interview for a new job, whether you’re fresh out of..
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Jan 11, 2019Reasons for Leaving?
How To Answer Why You Left (Or Want to Leave) Your Employer If you want the job, don't reveal this. Job interviews are designed to..
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Jan 4, 2019A good LinkedIn Summary
Here's how to write a LinkedIn summary that could help you land your dream job, according to a marketing director at LinkedIn You might approach..
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Dec 14, 2018Stay Focused Through the…
14 Ways to Stay Focused at Work Through the Holidays We’re in the midst of the holiday season, and as you try to juggle parties,..
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Dec 7, 2018Great Employees Leave Great…
Why Great Employees Leave “Great Cultures” “We have a great culture.” We have all heard it. We have all said it. But what does that..
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Nov 30, 2018On-the-Job Training
Young Workers No Longer Get the On-the-Job Training They Need -- So They're Finding It Elsewhere With companies training people less, the most valuable path..
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Nov 23, 2018Help Your New Hires…
3 Ways You Can Help Your New Hires to Succeed Filling a vacant position is expensive, and unless you do these three things, it's liable..
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Nov 15, 2018A Successful Meeting
Three Ways To Prevent Someone From Stealing Your Spotlight In A Meeting We've all been there at one point or another. You're in a meeting,..
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Nov 2, 2018When should managers overlook…
Why managers should overlook results in these situations By focusing on culture and people first, you can set your team up for success in the..
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Oct 12, 2018Integrators VS Segmentors
Are your employees integrators or segmentors? An organization has both integrators and segmentors. Being a segmentor is a tough ask. If you choose to be..
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Oct 5, 2018Help Your Team Members…
Help Your Team Members Succeed (Especially When They're Tempted to Leave) Help that valued employee being lured by another opportunity think through what they are..
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Sep 28, 2018Avoid Toxic Team Members
Are You Hiring a 'Team' Player -- or Someone Just Looking out for No. 1? How can leaders make sure they're not unwittingly inviting a..
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Sep 21, 2018What Motivates You to…
What Motivates You to Work? That paycheck will never be big enough if it's the only reason you're going to work. Each of us respond..
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Sep 14, 2018Update Your Resume
Updating Your Résumé Might Mean Updating Yourself It seems like a total no-brainer: you should update your résumé and online profiles when you are job..
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Sep 7, 2018Tap Into Your Motivation!
Putting Yourself In Drive: How To Tap Into Your Motivation The one common component in every great success story is motivation: an ever-elusive elixir that..
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Aug 31, 2018Enhancing your job search
How To Bounce Back When The Job Search Gets You Down With a dream job in mind, an updated résumé in hand and responses to..
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Aug 17, 2018Social media can cost…
When 'What Happens In Vegas' Ends Up In Your Job Search What happens in Vegas really doesn’t stay there. That “funny” picture about that..
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Aug 10, 2018Avoid Summer Slump
How To Improve Productivity For Yourself And Your Team This Summer July and August are historically bad months for productivity. It might be the warm..
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Aug 3, 2018Emotional Intelligence at Workplace
How To Develop More Emotionally Intelligent Employees In the quest to develop leaders who will foster a culture of equity and inclusion in the workplace,..
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Jul 20, 2018Rewarding Employees Wisely
5 Ways to Reward Employees When Raises Aren't an Option Many workers are doing double duty these days because employers either can’t afford to hire..
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Jul 6, 2018Hiring the right people?
5 Steps to Hiring the Right People for Your Business "Hire slow, fire fast" is great advice, but it's not always easy to follow. The..
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Jun 29, 2018Ready for Entrepreneurial Success?
4 Entry-Level Jobs That Will Prep You for Entrepreneurial Success Success is a journey, not a destination, so think hard about where to start. Entrepreneurship..
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Jun 8, 2018Back On Track
How to get back on track when you’re having an unproductive day A rocky start shouldn’t dictate your entire workday. Do these things to reverse..
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Jun 1, 2018Value of Office Communication
Why Office Communication is Highly Valued and Often Ignored A huge number of employees don't trust their bosses, and it's not hard to figure out..
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May 25, 2018Impacts of High Turnover
The Negative Impacts of a High Turnover Rate High turnover rates can negatively affect a company and its employees in many ways. With the constant..
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May 11, 2018Employee Onboarding Strategies
Seven New Onboarding Strategies You'll See This Year According to a study from Equifax, more than half of all employees who left their job in..
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May 4, 2018Strategic Workforce Tools
Your Workforce Tools Are More Strategic Than You Might Think This is not a typical article about attracting talented job candidates or retention — while..
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Apr 20, 2018Engagement Strategy
Don’t Let ‘Meaning’ Be Missing From Your Engagement Strategy Meaning is one of the five keys in building employee engagement and it may be the..
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Apr 5, 2018Inclusion in the Workplace
Inclusion Doesn’t Mean Including Everything and Everyone Inclusiveness is not about thought policing. It’s also not about turning everyone into a liberal. It’s a normal..
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Mar 30, 2018Inspire Change In Your…
4 Ways To Inspire Change In Your Employees Have you ever listened to a speech that inspired you so much, you were ready to make..
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Mar 23, 2018Employees Feel and Act…
7 Ways to Incent Employees to Feel and Act as Owners Building accountability into your business culture is a leadership process. It can't be driven..
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Mar 16, 2018Don’t Shuffle People Into…
Don't Shuffle People Into the Wrong Job Just Because They're Already on the Payroll You grow your company by putting proven performers where you need..
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Feb 26, 2018Minimise Workplace Negativity
Tips for Minimizing Workplace Negativity To Deal with Negativity in the Workplace, Use These 9 Tips Nothing affects employee morale more insidiously than persistent workplace..
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Feb 16, 2018Fail at Switching Jobs?
This Is the No. 1 Reason Why People Fail at Switching Jobs (and What to Do About It) There's a reason changing careers is so..
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Feb 9, 2018The future Workspace
Why a Coffee Shop Will Probably Be Your Workspace Within 10 Years As the gig economy grows, there are both social and scientific reasons why..
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Feb 2, 2018A Technique To Get…
Didn't Get Your Dream Job? This 1 Technique Could Get You a Second Chance Every job seeker experiences this at least once, if not several..
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Jan 26, 2018Prepare new employees for…
The Best Way to Set New Employees Up for Success Create an onboarding program that's both meaningful and memorable Congratulations; you've just hired a terrific..
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Jan 19, 2018First Hour, Day, Week,…
Do This In Your First Hour, Day, Week, And Month Of Your New Job Getting settled into your new job is the ultimate act of..
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Jan 5, 20187 Ways Modest Leadership…
7 Ways Modest Leadership Increases Team Success When we imagine the traits of successful leaders, whether they are managers, high level executives, CEO's or owners..
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Dec 29, 2017Grateful Workplaces and Engaged…
Grateful Workplaces and Engaged Employees All leaders need to ask themselves why happy and engaged employees are worth their weight in gold. If you’re a..
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Dec 15, 2017Employee stress during Christmas
Managing employee stress during the festive period More than half of employees feel stressed in the weeks leading up to Christmas, with most calling for..
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Dec 1, 2017Appreciating your employees
How to Avoid the No. 1 Reason People Leave Their Jobs William James, the father of psychology, stated that the most fundamental psychological need is..
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Nov 17, 2017Employee Appraisals
Importance of Effective Employee Appraisals The performance appraisal may be one of the few times during the year where an employee and the reviewer, typically..
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Nov 2, 2017The workplace is changing
From Cubicle To Coffee Shop - How The Workplace As We Know It Is Changing In the past few years we have seen a major..
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Oct 13, 2017Working for small companies
Why You Should Consider Working For A Small Company Eighty-four percent of small-business employees are happy in their current job, according to the 2017 Aflac..
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Oct 6, 2017HR’s key role in…
HR's key role in enlightened office design HR magazine and Landid's roundtable on the workspace of tomorrow explored how HR can positively influence facilities management..
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Sep 22, 2017Workplaces still hamper productivity
Workplaces still hamper productivity Noise, lack of privacy and space are some of the factors causing the greatest dissatisfaction among office workers Nearly half of..
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Sep 15, 2017Lost your Job?
Nine Things You Should and Shouldn't Do If You Lose Your Job Most of us wouldn’t think to associate the words "joblessness" and "fun," but..
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Aug 25, 2017Top 10 Benefits Of…
Top 10 Benefits Of A Workplace Wellness Program When Google opened up in the 90s it took a unique approach to employee satisfaction. In an..
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Aug 16, 2017Write your first CV
It's all about potential: how to write a CV with no work experience Follow these tips to stand out among competing candidates – from research..
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Aug 4, 2017Is it time to…
The Best Ways to Reward Employees. Having an effective reward program in place can help solve many of your HR issues. Every company needs a..
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Jul 28, 2017Burnout: exhausted or lonely?
Burnout at Work Isn’t Just About Exhaustion. It’s Also About Loneliness More and more people are feeling tired and lonely at work. In analyzing the..
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Jul 21, 2017People don’t take HR…
People Don’t Take HR Seriously; Here’s Why That’s Dangerous Legacy beliefs like being the bad guy and a lack of strategic vision isolates HR, and..
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Jun 30, 2017Career Development
Think Strategically About Your Career Development In a world where the average employee sends and receives 122 emails per day and attends an average of..
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Jun 16, 2017Diversity and Inclusion
Diversity Doesn’t Stick Without Inclusion Leaders have long recognized that a diverse workforce of women, people of color, and LGBT individuals confers a competitive edge..
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Jun 2, 2017Advance Your Career
How To Advance Your Career In A Crappy Entry-Level Job Yes, you can still bring yourself one step closer to snagging that dream job even..
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May 2, 2017Employee Burnout
What causes burnout and how it can affect both the employees and the organisation How HR Can Help Prevent Employee Burnout An engaged workforce. It's..