How To Promote Yourself When You’re Shy
Did you know that Beyonce’s shy? Most people don’t expect this, because she’s so hugely successful and we tend to equate success with outgoing people. But that’s just one of many misconceptions about shyness.
In this article, I aim to demystify shyness and to explain why it’s an attribute, not a flaw. I’ll cover what shyness is, what’s amazing about it—potentially your own, but also other people’s—but also the challenges it may throw up.
We’ll look at how to promote yourself, and your work, if you’re shy.
Let’s start with presenting, as this is often an area of self-promotion that makes shy (or quiet, introverted) people feel uncomfortable.
I’m one of those people.
So in the lead-up to a talk or presentation, I write out what I’m going to say in full. I’ll then rehearse it multiple times, before getting on stage.
Often, when doing public speaking, I’ll even take my notebook on stage with me. And people sometimes laugh as I flick through the pages but more often, they say: what a good idea; having notes with you in case you lose your train of thought.
If you know you have a presentation coming up, sit down and write out what you want to say in full. Do it before the nerves become overwhelming. And keep these notes with you, on the day.
Now, as I said above: shyness is not a flaw. It’s not something to be fixed. It’s not something that needs to hold you—or your clients/employees—back. But it’s something that may require creative thinking in order to use it to your advantage.
If you’re shy yourself, or you’re working with someone who is, remember:
It’s important to prepare. The fear of presenting—at work, in public—can become quite overwhelming for someone shy. So knowing what you’re going to say helps.
But also, being open and vulnerable is ok. So in the same way that I’m telling you I write out my presentation in full, and take it along with me—you can do this too. Make notes, take them with you.
What matters is that the message is shared; that you get to say your piece. Not that we can get up and perform perfectly and spontaneously on the spot.
And later, I’ll come on to the advantages of shyness. But first, a bit of background…
For me, shyness started in childhood. I was born shy. I had an older sister who often spoke for me – and I was very happy about that, as it meant I could hang back, say very little and no one gave me much attention.
I sat still, sucked my thumb, observed the world and just joined in when I felt like it, sometimes not at all.
But when I started school, I realised that shyness wasn’t ok.
We were expected to speak up in front of our class, fight to be heard, perform in assemblies. And while I would have loved to do all these things—it didn’t come naturally. And there wasn’t any discussion about how it might feel, for shy people to be forced to participate in this way.
Now, if we were in the room together right now, I’d love to ask:
How many of you were shy as children—and to see who raised their hands. Probably quite a few of you would.
I know a lot of people who talk about their childhood shyness.
What I’d then say is: how many of you are shy now, as adults?
And I imagine there would be fewer hands in the air. Not because shyness necessarily disappears when we become adults, but because it’s generally seen as socially unacceptable to be shy as an adult.
And yet 50% of us are shy.
Perhaps a definition of shyness would be useful at this point.
Shyness is a personality trait, that comes partly from genetics and partly from the environment you’re raised in.
Some shyness is circumstantial – so someone who experiences trauma of some sort may then develop a shyness, or withdraw.
It’s often described as a ‘wariness’. So shy people may be wary of new social situations or new people and move at a different pace, in terms of getting involved.
I interviewed the psychologist Dr Emma Svanberg and she shared a useful description of shyness, in relation to social anxiety and introversion.
She said: “Shyness is more like: ‘I prefer to stand back and observe before getting involved’.
Whereas social anxiety is: ‘People are frightening and a threat to me/my self-esteem’.
Introversion is: ‘I find energy from spending time alone or in small groups’.
Versus extroversion: ‘I find energy from being with others’.
Introverts enjoy being solitary and are generally more reserved. It’s a different personality trait. Shyness is more related to openness vs cautiousness.”
Dr Svanberg also said that we need shy people. It’s an evolutionary thing. We need some people to stay closer to home, ‘protecting the fort’, while the others go out hunting.
And I’d add to that, by saying that we need shy people because otherwise the world would be incredibly loud. Shyness brings the peace; it creates balance.
If you’re the type of person who arrives at a party, or wedding, and you take bit of time to ‘warm up’ – you might be shy.
If you find starting a new job and walking into an office full of strangers daunting – you might be shy.
If you find yourself sitting at the pub with a group of people and realising that others talk a lot more than you – you might be shy.
Right now, at (hopefully) the tail end of the pandemic, lots of people are feeling wary about reintegrating into society.
Perhaps we’ve realised we like working from home, presenting on Zoom instead of ‘in person’, not having to make small talk during the lunch break.
People who may not have ever felt shy before are feeling a need to have more quiet, reflective time. Less time mindlessly chatting.
But for a long time, for most of our lives, many of us have felt a need to ‘perform’ socially. To be loud and funny and contributing to every conversation. And it’s so tiring, if that’s not your natural inclination.
For years, we may have been masking shyness – perhaps we down some Prosecco before getting stuck in at office parties. Or simply ‘fake it til we make it’—do the presentations, full of nerves, and never tell anyone we feel petrified.
So the fact that suddenly, life became quieter during lockdown… Less social. Less pressurised, in some ways—this may have suited shy people.
But what happens next?
Firstly, if you’re shy, it can help to openly acknowledge it.
This isn’t something to be ashamed about. It’s part of your personality. And all the psychologists and psychotherapists I have consulted on this subject assured me that there’s nothing wrong with shyness.
Shyness doesn’t need to be overcome. In fact, the world should instead adapt, the experts say, to make life more comfortable for shy people.
One psychologist, Dr Ruth Erskine, said that a shy child shouldn’t be forced to just fit in—to be loud, and immediately ready to participate. Instead, the teacher should create an environment that lets children go at their own pace; join in when they’re ready.
It should be the same in the workplace.
We aren’t all going to be shouting out in meetings to make sure we’re heard. Some of us will have our best ideas once the meeting’s over. So perhaps being given the opportunity to contribute after the meeting, via email or one-to-one with the chair, would create a more comfortable environment for us.
And if you’re thinking: well, maybe it’s easier to just employ or work with people who aren’t shy—well, that definitely isn’t the solution.
Because research shows that shy people have a lot to offer, in the workplace.
Shy people work well in teams, as we’re better at listening and sharing the stage. We think more before we speak. We observe social dynamics before diving in, so can be better at fitting in. Shy people are often more empathic, as we’re paying closer attention to other people’s needs and emotions.
But it’s not just about ‘fitting in’. Shy people also make better leaders. You see, when the loud people are chatting away, the quiet people are conjuring wild business plans, practising their art, getting creative, solving the world’s issues.
If you’d like some examples…
Richard Branson is shy. Beyonce. She created ‘Sasha Fierce’ as an alter ego to help her to get on stage when she’s feeling shy.
Mark Zuckerberg is shy. Elton John. Greta Thunberg. Nicole Kidman.
Rosa Parks was shy. And yet she refused to go to the back of that bus. You can be shy and determined. You can be shy and ambitious. You can be shy and hugely successful. You can be shy, and still change the world.
These people all had to force themselves out of their comfort zone, to get to that level of success. But now, we have an amazing tool at our fingertips:
The internet.
When it comes to promoting yourself, as a shy person, the online world is your friend.
I’ve spoken to influencers with hundreds of thousands of followers who are performing all day on their Instagram Stories but tell me they’re shy. That if you met them in person, they’d probably say nothing.
For these people, it feels safer, performing to a screen than a real-life audience. And while I’m not an influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers, I do have over 14,000 followers—and I do a lot of ‘speaking to camera’ in my Instagram Stories.
I feel incredibly confident doing this. If those 14,000 people were stood in front of me in real life, however, I’d be petrified. So the online profile-building suits me—and other shy people—very well.
But still, some people find the idea of talking into their camera phone hard. So my advice is:
Again, prepare. Have a practice round—record yourself on your phone, do a short video. It can be a great way to rehearse. In fact, Judith Argent, a CBT therapist, told me that she encourages her clients to film themselves when they’re feeling shy or anxious about an upcoming event.
“When we’re feeling anxious about a social event or exchange—at work, school, with friends, at a party,” she said, “we have a fear about something happening.” So Judith asks the client for a prediction about what might happen if they go and start a conversation with someone and they’ll say, for instance: ‘I’ll look stupid.’ so getting them to film themselves is a way of showing them that actually, they don’t ‘look stupid’ when they talk.”
It can be the same when preparing to record an Instagram or Facebook Live—the nerves kick in and we may feel tempted to back out. So instead, run through it and film yourself, to prepare.
And remember, when you’re thinking: this is going to be a disaster, and generally catastrophising—re-frame this and ask yourself: what’s the best thing that could happen, if I go ahead?
Judith also recommends ‘Shame attacking’.
This means encouraging a client to do or say something silly. She’ll say: What will happen if you do this in public? And asks them to make a prediction. Perhaps they think people will stop and stare. Laugh. She says: and if they do, how will you cope? It’s about exploring all eventualities and how it will feel if it did actually happen. ‘Almost always,’ she says ‘their prediction isn’t right. Perhaps people do stare, but it doesn’t feel so terrible.’
I’d add that it’s worth remembering that no one else cares all that much if you mess up or look a bit silly. It’s the ‘yesterday’s chip paper’ idea. You share something on social media, perhaps it flops; perhaps it gets loads of amazing engagement – and then you move on. And everyone else does too.
And if you think: but my friends and family will think I look silly—or perhaps you have one person in mind who may take the piss—just remind yourself that you’re being bold and courageous and giving this a shot—are they doing the same? Probably not.
Another aspect of the online world I love is email.
As a journalist, I find it so much easier to pitch stories via email than I would on the phone or in person. It means I can think of a really good subject line to draw people in (one that will easily translate as a headline), and write a short, succinct email pitch without stuttering or forgetting what I was about to say.
In terms of getting that commission, perseverance is key. You need a good, timely idea, the right person to send it to—and then to keep checking in. It once took me three attempts to get a story published by a major publication. I wouldn’t take no for an answer, as I knew the idea was good, and eventually they said yes. It became a double-page spread in the print paper.
Being shy doesn’t make you any less tenacious. In fact, it may make you even more determined to succeed; to prove the naysayers wrong.
To end, I’d like to say that all the most successful people, in terms of careers, put themselves out there. It takes courage to do public speaking, to talk into your camera phone and share it online, to present at work, relentlessly pitch, to make small talk at a networking event. But every time you do it, it gets a little bit easier.
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How To Prove You Can Do The Job, Even Without Direct Experience "Tell me about a time you...." As a career switcher, you may be..
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Nov 8, 2019Career Challenges
7 Unexpected Career Detours That Can Benefit You When most professionals introduce themselves or create a LinkedIn profile, they appear to have a smooth, well-planned..
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Nov 1, 2019Advance Your Career!
Four Myths You Should Ignore If You Want To Advance Your Career In today’s competitive corporate landscape, standing still is equivalent to moving backward. No..
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Oct 11, 2019Personal Branding
Six Sacred Rules For Personal Branding In The Digital World Everything has gone digital – including you. The move to all things digital may have..
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Oct 4, 2019October Job Search
3 Things You Need To Know About An October Job Search Seasonal timing has a large impact on a job search. It can work in..
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Sep 20, 2019Belonging At Work
Belonging At Work Is Essential—Here Are 4 Ways To Foster It In the complex study of human psychology, one finding is remarkably consistent: our well-being..
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Sep 13, 2019Job Search Pitfalls
How To Avoid The Five Emotional Pitfalls Of A Job Search Spoiler alert: your job search will be anxiety-inducing, frustrating, and at times, painful. It..
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Sep 6, 2019Back to Work
Summer's Over: Here's Why It's The Best Time For Job Seekers And Hiring Managers To Act Now Labor Day has come and gone, which means..
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Aug 30, 2019Effective Time Management
11 Signs You're Not Managing Your Calendar Effectively Time to admit there's a better way to stay on top of your appointments. If you’re like..
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Aug 23, 2019Great First Impression
How To Make A Great First Impression At Your New Job You only get one chance to make a first impression, so make it count...
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Aug 16, 2019Purpose And Values
How To Connect With Your Company's Purpose And Values Some employees feel fully inspired by their company's mission, vision and values. But they don’t just mindlessly glug the Kool-Aid—they connect on a deep,..
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Aug 9, 2019Holiday Season Job Search
4 Reasons You Should Keep Up Your Job Search During the Holidays Now that the holidays are upon us, you may be considering taking a..
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Aug 2, 2019After the Interview
What Not To Do After A Job Interview The waiting period after a job interview can be one of the most stressful times. You’ve done..
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Jul 26, 2019Job Search Difficulties
3 Surprising Reasons Your Job Search Still Isn't Working It’s been months into your job search and you’re just about ready to pull your hair..
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Jul 19, 2019Attitude vs IQ
Why Attitude Is More Important Than IQ When it comes to success, it’s easy to think that people blessed with brains are inevitably going to..
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Jul 12, 2019Video Interviewing Tips
Video Interviewing: Lights, Camera -- But No Connection Nothing screams “personal” more than you on a 20-inch video monitor, beaming in from a remote location..
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Jul 5, 2019Overloaded And Overwhelmed?
Overloaded And Overwhelmed? Four Things You Can Control When Your Workload Is Out Of Control Our research indicates a terrifying 43% of knowledge workers do..
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Jun 28, 2019Successful People
13 Difficult Things Highly Successful People Learn To Do Young To invent a product, turn a profit or start a business is to be accomplished. To..
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Jun 14, 2019Career Summer Checkup
A Career Summer Checkup For Professional Growth Whether you’re graduating college or gearing up for your first fiscal year-end performance conversation, the summer months represent..
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May 31, 2019Thrive At Work
6 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Polymath And Thrive At Work In a previous article I explored some of the virtues of striving for a..
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May 24, 2019Successful and Happy
The One Daily Action That Will Make You More Successful And Happier At Work In our fast-paced world where we have more to do than..
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May 10, 2019How to Evaluate, Accept,…
Congratulations! You got the job. Now for the hard part: deciding whether to accept it or not. How should you assess the salary as well..
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May 3, 2019Great Employees
What It Takes To Be A Great Employee: The Parable Of The Oranges Being a great employee pays off with better positions, higher pay, and..
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Apr 25, 2019Your first Job
10 Essential Strategies To Succeed In Your First Job Congratulations, graduate! After the exhausting and stressful process of finishing school, searching for and landing your..
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Apr 19, 2019Starting a New Job?
When You Start a New Job, Pay Attention to These 5 Aspects of Company Culture When you join an organization, you have a short window..
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Apr 12, 2019How To Escape Procrastination
How To Escape The Procrastination Doom Loop When you imagine a highly productive person, you likely think of someone who focuses effortlessly on the job..
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Apr 5, 2019Exceptional Employees
8 Clues That a Candidate Will be an Exceptional Employee Over the past 40 years, I have reviewed at least 30,000 resumes and LinkedIn profiles..
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Mar 22, 2019Increase Employee Retention
4 Smart Ways to Increase Employee Retention Keeping your employees once you have them is a thorny problem in the staffing services industry. The difficulty..
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Mar 15, 2019Things Happen!
Here's How To Recover From A Career Setback Whether you’ve botched an interview question, cancelled an important meeting last-minute or missed a typo in an..
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Feb 27, 2019Sabotaging your job search?
8 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Job Search Following certain best practices can make or break you in your quest for the right job. Some bad..
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Feb 1, 2019Your Social Media Profile
Here’s what recruiters look for on a candidate’s social media profile Maintaining the right balance between being professional and being yourself on social media can..
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Jan 25, 2019Effective Job Interview
How to conduct an effective job interview As the employment market improves and candidates have more options, hiring the right person for the job has..
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Jan 18, 2019Things You Should Never…
14 Things You Should Never, Ever Say In A Job Interview It’s always intimidating to interview for a new job, whether you’re fresh out of..
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Jan 11, 2019Reasons for Leaving?
How To Answer Why You Left (Or Want to Leave) Your Employer If you want the job, don't reveal this. Job interviews are designed to..
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Jan 4, 2019A good LinkedIn Summary
Here's how to write a LinkedIn summary that could help you land your dream job, according to a marketing director at LinkedIn You might approach..
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Dec 14, 2018Stay Focused Through the…
14 Ways to Stay Focused at Work Through the Holidays We’re in the midst of the holiday season, and as you try to juggle parties,..
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Nov 23, 2018Help Your New Hires…
3 Ways You Can Help Your New Hires to Succeed Filling a vacant position is expensive, and unless you do these three things, it's liable..
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Nov 15, 2018A Successful Meeting
Three Ways To Prevent Someone From Stealing Your Spotlight In A Meeting We've all been there at one point or another. You're in a meeting,..
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Oct 26, 2018Recruitment in Cyprus
Recruitment in Cyprus - Thoughts and Ideas from Advance Career Team Read the detailed interview published on TopJobsCyprus website and share your comments and ideas!..
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Oct 19, 2018Find Career Clarity!
How To Find Career Clarity Using Three Top Career Theories Feeling like you need to make a career pivot because your job isn’t a good..
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Oct 12, 2018Integrators VS Segmentors
Are your employees integrators or segmentors? An organization has both integrators and segmentors. Being a segmentor is a tough ask. If you choose to be..
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Sep 21, 2018What Motivates You to…
What Motivates You to Work? That paycheck will never be big enough if it's the only reason you're going to work. Each of us respond..
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Sep 14, 2018Update Your Resume
Updating Your Résumé Might Mean Updating Yourself It seems like a total no-brainer: you should update your résumé and online profiles when you are job..
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Sep 7, 2018Tap Into Your Motivation!
Putting Yourself In Drive: How To Tap Into Your Motivation The one common component in every great success story is motivation: an ever-elusive elixir that..
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Aug 31, 2018Enhancing your job search
How To Bounce Back When The Job Search Gets You Down With a dream job in mind, an updated résumé in hand and responses to..
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Aug 17, 2018Social media can cost…
When 'What Happens In Vegas' Ends Up In Your Job Search What happens in Vegas really doesn’t stay there. That “funny” picture about that..
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Aug 3, 2018Emotional Intelligence at Workplace
How To Develop More Emotionally Intelligent Employees In the quest to develop leaders who will foster a culture of equity and inclusion in the workplace,..
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Jul 27, 2018Are you ready to…
The Difference Between People Who Succeed and People Who Flop Successful people charge forward, take calculated risks, and come out on top because of it...
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Jul 6, 2018Hiring the right people?
5 Steps to Hiring the Right People for Your Business "Hire slow, fire fast" is great advice, but it's not always easy to follow. The..
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Jun 29, 2018Ready for Entrepreneurial Success?
4 Entry-Level Jobs That Will Prep You for Entrepreneurial Success Success is a journey, not a destination, so think hard about where to start. Entrepreneurship..
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Jun 22, 2018Simple Work-Life Balance
Work-Life Balance Is Simple. To Succeed at Work, Get a Life. With the right balance of health and business, entrepreneurs can maximize productivity. The Organization..
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Jun 8, 2018Back On Track
How to get back on track when you’re having an unproductive day A rocky start shouldn’t dictate your entire workday. Do these things to reverse..
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May 4, 2018Strategic Workforce Tools
Your Workforce Tools Are More Strategic Than You Might Think This is not a typical article about attracting talented job candidates or retention — while..
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Apr 20, 2018Engagement Strategy
Don’t Let ‘Meaning’ Be Missing From Your Engagement Strategy Meaning is one of the five keys in building employee engagement and it may be the..
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Apr 5, 2018Inclusion in the Workplace
Inclusion Doesn’t Mean Including Everything and Everyone Inclusiveness is not about thought policing. It’s also not about turning everyone into a liberal. It’s a normal..
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Mar 30, 2018Inspire Change In Your…
4 Ways To Inspire Change In Your Employees Have you ever listened to a speech that inspired you so much, you were ready to make..
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Mar 23, 2018Employees Feel and Act…
7 Ways to Incent Employees to Feel and Act as Owners Building accountability into your business culture is a leadership process. It can't be driven..
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Mar 16, 2018Don’t Shuffle People Into…
Don't Shuffle People Into the Wrong Job Just Because They're Already on the Payroll You grow your company by putting proven performers where you need..
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Feb 26, 2018Minimise Workplace Negativity
Tips for Minimizing Workplace Negativity To Deal with Negativity in the Workplace, Use These 9 Tips Nothing affects employee morale more insidiously than persistent workplace..
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Feb 23, 2018Leadership Role but Unprepared…
You Were Promoted To A Leadership Role But You Feel Unprepared - Don't Panic You’ve been at the job for years. As much as you..
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Feb 16, 2018Fail at Switching Jobs?
This Is the No. 1 Reason Why People Fail at Switching Jobs (and What to Do About It) There's a reason changing careers is so..
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Feb 2, 2018A Technique To Get…
Didn't Get Your Dream Job? This 1 Technique Could Get You a Second Chance Every job seeker experiences this at least once, if not several..
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Jan 26, 2018Prepare new employees for…
The Best Way to Set New Employees Up for Success Create an onboarding program that's both meaningful and memorable Congratulations; you've just hired a terrific..
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Jan 19, 2018First Hour, Day, Week,…
Do This In Your First Hour, Day, Week, And Month Of Your New Job Getting settled into your new job is the ultimate act of..
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Jan 12, 2018Make 2018 a Productive…
11 Expert Tips To Make 2018 Your Most Productive Year Ever Could eating cake for breakfast and never listening to your voicemail help you get..
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Jan 5, 20187 Ways Modest Leadership…
7 Ways Modest Leadership Increases Team Success When we imagine the traits of successful leaders, whether they are managers, high level executives, CEO's or owners..
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Dec 22, 2017Career Goals for 2018
How to Set Your Career Goals for 2018 and Achieve Them Each New Year offers the opportunity for a fresh start—and that includes your career...
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Dec 15, 2017Employee stress during Christmas
Managing employee stress during the festive period More than half of employees feel stressed in the weeks leading up to Christmas, with most calling for..
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Dec 1, 2017Appreciating your employees
How to Avoid the No. 1 Reason People Leave Their Jobs William James, the father of psychology, stated that the most fundamental psychological need is..
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Nov 24, 2017HR Function in 2024
Will You Be Leading an HR Function in 2024? Here are five things to look at to examine and determine if you’ve got what it..
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Nov 10, 2017Your Impact at Work!
What Is Your Impact? We keep throwing this word around called "impact." Do you know what your impact is and how would you define, discover,..
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Oct 27, 2017Inspiring Career Advice
LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner's 3 Best Pieces of Career Advice Jeff Weiner, LinkedIn's CEO, has had nothing short of a successful career. After graduating from..
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Sep 15, 2017Lost your Job?
Nine Things You Should and Shouldn't Do If You Lose Your Job Most of us wouldn’t think to associate the words "joblessness" and "fun," but..
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Sep 8, 2017Why Risk Is A…
Why Risk Is A Necessary Component To A Successful Career - And How To Balance Risk With Reward Taking at least some risk is necessary..
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Aug 16, 2017Write your first CV
It's all about potential: how to write a CV with no work experience Follow these tips to stand out among competing candidates – from research..
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Aug 10, 2017Friends and Career
Being Too Busy for Friends Won’t Help Your Career Friendship matters. Everything we do to succeed in our careers is improved when we’re supported by..
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Aug 4, 2017Is it time to…
The Best Ways to Reward Employees. Having an effective reward program in place can help solve many of your HR issues. Every company needs a..
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Jul 28, 2017Burnout: exhausted or lonely?
Burnout at Work Isn’t Just About Exhaustion. It’s Also About Loneliness More and more people are feeling tired and lonely at work. In analyzing the..
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Jul 21, 2017People don’t take HR…
People Don’t Take HR Seriously; Here’s Why That’s Dangerous Legacy beliefs like being the bad guy and a lack of strategic vision isolates HR, and..
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Jun 30, 2017Career Development
Think Strategically About Your Career Development In a world where the average employee sends and receives 122 emails per day and attends an average of..
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Jun 16, 2017Diversity and Inclusion
Diversity Doesn’t Stick Without Inclusion Leaders have long recognized that a diverse workforce of women, people of color, and LGBT individuals confers a competitive edge..
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Jun 2, 2017Advance Your Career
How To Advance Your Career In A Crappy Entry-Level Job Yes, you can still bring yourself one step closer to snagging that dream job even..
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May 8, 2017Interview Preparation
Interviews are generally regarded as the primary decision-making event in any recruitment process. Regardless of your academic credentials or career thus far, it is crucial..
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May 2, 2017Employee Burnout
What causes burnout and how it can affect both the employees and the organisation How HR Can Help Prevent Employee Burnout An engaged workforce. It's..
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Apr 3, 2017Interview questions you have…
Studies have shown that structured interviewing is more than twice as reliable a predictor of future employee performance than unstructured interviewing. That is why most..
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Mar 19, 2012Job Search Tips That…
Cyprus unemployment has been steadily increasing monthly since 2008 and is getting closer to double digits (January 2012 Eurostat figure – 9.6%). However there are..